Dear Fred;

I wanted to congratulate you on issue #1, but I wanted to do it out in the open, unlike our usual surreptitious relationship by phone and letter. (Ok, ok, no E-snail yet. Leave me alone. I have barely joined the Twentieth Century and it's already about too late. I'll make a decision anytime now. My plan to have my thoughts flown to you by woodpeckers, although it sounded like a great idea at the beginning, seems to have foundered. There is a shortage of long-haul woodpeckers nationally and it turns out they can only retain small amounts of digital information anyway. They have only about half the fingers/claws/toes that humans have - in fact, Three-toed Woodpeckers have even less - and have trouble digitizing.)

Please print this in the Letters to the Freditor section, where it certainly belongs. I read through everyone's letters in the issue #1 and it's interesting. In the Firesignal's long existence, there was created a kind of correspondence with the readers that I always liked, and so I wanted to get in your letters column early and have my say. There's that comforting feeling of being with a bunch of people who like to laugh and if there's any controversy at all, I suppose it's Paul K's letter and the fact that you printed it shows what this section of the magazine might become. The key thing that Paul says is: " ... So much for critical reviews of their output." I'd like to suggest that this Letters Section is one place for those reviews. God knows, it's easy to criticize the four of us for 30 years of work of varied quality and circumstance, so have at it.

As for the celebrated Mental Health Care Professional Scialli's informative letter, I suppose the unanswered question is why John Randolph abandoned the Proctor-authored record album? How did it wind up in the dollar bin? That would be interesting to know. I can't remember if Phil's ever told me, but then I remember so little, sometimes I think I'm Phil.

Well, Fred, there you go. The mag looks good, the color cover came out just fine, you got enough subscriptions to get started, Chris made his deadlines and hell, you're launched. Congratulations.

By the way, I plan to pad "my" issue in the Spring with massive amounts of pointless puns and wacky sexual innuendo. It is upon these two strong pillars that those of us in the Comic Arts survive.

Oona says Hi to everyone.

Phil Austin
Fox Island or Hollywood

I'll take that magazine!,

I'll sell my truck and give up T.V. dinners for a week. I hope this doesn't turn out like my Fat Tyre mag. subscription, it never came.

Bill Braucksiek
Buena Park, CA

BETTER PUT YOUR TRUCK ON A DIET 1ST. NOTHING LIKE FAT SPARE TYRES TO SPOIL SALES.

Dear Friends,

As a former member of Mirror Clone 27, Orepoonians for Papoon, I take, or rather give, with great pleasure my $10 check to get the Firezine magazine delivered to my home. After witnessing the fantastic 25th Anniversary show in Seattle, after spending hours transcribing Everything You Know Is Wrong from ancient wire recordings and other brou-ha-ha I eagerly await my copies of the Zine. I leave you with fine regards and visions recalling the thought "What if 69 was 96?" in my farewell. Per my Mirror Clone days I salute you as Sgt. Roto Noto. Adieu!

Yer O'bdient Serv'nt,
Bruce Sorensen
Portland, OR

WHAT IF 2002 WAS 5005?

Howdy,

Love the magazine. I'm feeling generous and stupid. For the magazine, how about comprehensive type field glasses to the individual works, to guide perplexed persons such as myself as to what is going on in the Firesign albums. It could be similar to the liner notes for the Mobile Fidelity CD's, only more comprehensive, and maybe ya'll could do an album per issue. Well, it's just a thought anyway.
Oo-Oo-KaChoob-ka.

Andrew Smith
aka
B. F. Cornbread
aka
the Reverend Molt Slagjaw Cripple Jig Jr.
Syracuse,
NY.

HOW 'BOUT TYPE FIELD GLASSES TO READ THE SMALL PRINT IN THIS MAGAZINE? BUT WHY TAKE THE MYSTERY OUT OF YOUR LIFE?

Dear Firezine Editor,

Thanks for taking up the reins and getting the Firesign news out to the world. And arranging to release new, original material from the guys was brilliant and is much appreciated by us total devotees.

Peace and carrots,
Larry Yaeger
Morgantown, IN

I HATE TO REIN ON MY OWN PARADE, SO I WON'T. GIVE PEAS A CHANCE.

Frederick,

It says right here in your promotional flyer that you were expecting to have the first issue of Firezine ready in October and 2nd issue in November... And it says here on my calendar that it's already late November... And it says here in my bank statement that you cashed my check for a Firezine subscription.. And it says here in a letter from some friendly Firepal flounder that my feisty fan letter was sighted in "the newest edition of Firezine". If all that's being said is true, then where the holy Heck are my copies? Please put them in the mail pronto or risk giving me further opportunity to rant! Saving The World One Frightening Letter At A Time!

Paul Kazee
Brooklyn, NY.

EVEN THOUGH I LIKE YOUR RANTS YOUR COPY WAS RE-SENT ANYWAY, SO TELL IT TO SHUT UP. PS: YOU'RE STILL A BOZO & A WILD AND KAZEE GUY, KEEP UP THE BAD WORK!

Fred,

Wonderful magazine, chock-full-o-great-stuff. I hope you are working for double scale.

Andrew Orford
Petaluma, CA.

AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE TO FISH FOR COMPLIMENTS.

Gosh, hi!

I'm writing this at work, casting frequent and furtive glances over my shoulder to make sure that my corporate masters are unaware that I'm eating into company profits. (But I figure that it's either eat into the profits or be eaten... so there.) Here's my review of the first issue: Way cool.

Dennis Rickard
San Jose, CA

WOULD YOU RATHER EAT COOL CASH OR HOT PROFITS?

Dear Editors,

I have thoroughly devoured the "Zine" and offer these comments and ideas: The printing is a little small to be comfortably read - though if you enlarged it, that would create other problems for you (like more paper, etc.) I am an old Firehead from the 60's and believe that some of their (FST) best work was done in poking fun at thoroughly corrupt social and political institutions. For new material to be as relevant and funny as the orange album, for instance, it will require a discomforting look at corrupt politics, inhuman, barbaric & archaic prisons (I'm in one), and a continued scrutiny of the sleazy commercialism that is running rampant over people. By the way, I saw TFST during their 25th anniversary tour at the Britt Festival in Southern Oregon (94). They were outstanding. I had just started a marijuana church in Mt. Shasta, CA that summer and mentioned the fact to the group while they autographed my newly purchased video, "Everything You Know Is Wrong". One of them prophetically and humorously remarked, "Have a nice incarceration." The church is still growing in an unorganized way, and you can well imagine that some of my favorite humor is in stepping on the toes of the sacred religious establishment. Phil Austin's NASCAR Report was one of the highlights of the new Firezine. Note: I believe that prisons need to be reformed from the concept of outdated and warped biblical concepts of retribution, guilt, guilt, guilt, unending insult, boredom and punishment, guilt and guilt towards a more humane and positive approach that encourages healing, rehabilitation, education and addiction treatment programs. What we are facing is a self-serving growth industry that was encouraged by politicians to replace the dying military-industrial complex in CA. You can read about it in my new prison novel, "In Cold Nagahyde" of which I have not finished yet. The "Zine" is great!!! All of it!

THE CHURCH IS STILL GROWING? WHAT? IS THAT A SELF-SERVING GROWTH INDUSTRY? I HEAR THAT TRAIN' A 'COMIN', IT'S ROLLIN' 'ROUND THE BEND...

David Ossman and the Firesign Theatre were the inspiration for my current depravity.

Scott Simon

YOU'RE NUTS NOT TO HAVE THEM ON YOUR NPR SHOW!